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When I think about all of the phrases, anecdotes, and sayings about the power of the spoken word I am reminded of how I changed my way of communicating with children upon learning Play Therapy principles.
Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else.We often try to teach lesson to kids about life at the most inappropriate times.If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson.So, you can say “Walk, please” instead of “No running”. Children are programmed to question, analyze and wonder about situations.
I have spent a good deal of time on articles on the difference between Praise vs. This can sometimes present itself in an argumentative manner, but this is actually a normal part of development.
I will also give the Play Therapy based alternative with a short explanation of why it is more effective.
Kids hear the word “no” far too frequently (Read more about that here).
It is wasted words to try to express a rule when a child is upset, as they focus on one thing at a time.
Instead, train yourself to say, “You realized that you jumped off the chair and got hurt when you landed on the ground”, rather than, “See, that is what happens when you jump off the chair”.
Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible.