Rules of dating multiple men
“I feel like I would stop immediately if I met someone I really liked.” Gretchen, a former multi-dater who is now in a committed, long-term relationship, says: “Having a rotation worked for me, and I had fun.
“Dating several men can be a good choice for women, because many women tend to settle for the first man who comes along,” she says.But, it really only happened because she found out I was seeing other people and flipped out. I should’ve been honest with her.” “This [type of dating] is definitely not for everyone,” says Monica.“It helps to be selective and seek people who are independent enough to not need lots of attention or you get sucked in to a relationship-like situation quickly.”Then there’s the slippery question that looms: I know I can casually date a few people at once, but is it possible to have strong feelings for more than one person at a time?If it causes you unnecessary stress, or you’re using the relationships to avoid other issues, opt out.And, if you're meeting a lot of interesting people, "keeping your options open," and having a blast? While, it's been fun and I've learned a lot, I'm thinking that maintaining a rotation isn’t the best thing for me right now. Atypical relationship models work for many people — even if they’re temporary.
Because, really, whether or not dating many-a-partner is something you think you can handle, the most vital thing is to focus on your emotional and physical well-being. As with any romantic scenario, it’s important to have regular mental check-ins with yourself to determine whether the pros outweigh the cons.
“I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship,” she explains.
“I was ready to get back out there, but I definitely wasn't looking for anything ‘real.’ Just people to spend time with, drink cocktails with, and get naked with.”“Rotations allow you to date other people at the same time, giving you perspective on the dating process,” says April Masini, relationship expert and author of the column, Ask April.
It's just gotten more buzz ever since Chloe, the infamous party girl and lead character from Of course, I’m not the only 20-something who jumped into a rotation immediately following a breakup.
Nina, a 25-year-old accountant living in Chicago, started hers after a four-year relationship ended. And, Monica*, a 25-year-old producer in New York City, can also echo the experience.
During my multiple nights of dinners, drinks, and flirting, I've been honest about that last serious relationship and that I’m currently “not looking for anything serious.” I always assumed this implied, “I’m seeing other people, you got that?