Lapsed catholic dating
Obsessions with your partner’s past likely signals that you have some work to do. Make your close, trusted, selective friend group the place to think openly in confidence, and make your relationship the place where you speak intentionally and thoughtfully.Talk with some sane, godly (confidential) friends your partner. Humble yourself and recognize that your partner with a sexual past may very well understand grace now far better than you do (Philippians 2:3). To stake our value in being the best at everything in a future spouse’s life is absurd.
If your partner says, “I don’t think about my ex,” it really could be true.The conversation should not mainly be about the issue of history, but of maturity.Yes, the person with the past, if their sexual activity is recent, needs time to heal before they enter into another romantic relationship.For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.Television can make such a history into a lot of things — meaningless, devastating, even humorous.What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.
Remember this: meaningful sex isn’t primarily about a particular (1 Corinthians 7:4; Ephesians –32) — and only in the God-appointed context of the marriage covenant.
There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).
Andy Stanley recommends Christians who have lapsed into a sexually immoral lifestyle wait a full year before dating again — he says, in fact, that it is the best and most important piece of advice he can give those in this situation. As you consider someone for marriage, their maturity today — the evidence and trajectory of their becoming more like Christ — should be your primary concern.
The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.
The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.
Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.