Dating gay handicaped persons
That meant ending a long relationship that had come to an extremely unhealthy place. Before I began my road to recovery, I embraced my single life with vigor: I partied, I was ecstatic, I was charismatic, I dated several people at one time, I didn’t hold my liquor, I was high as a kite, I had uneventful encounters with men, led men on, I smoked cigarettes like I was born with one in my hand–and I knew, fun as all of this was, that the gig wasn’t going to last much longer.
Men either react: 1.) Maturely and normally, even somewhat considerately. 2.) Offensively and annoyingly; this often consists of the “can you hear me? 3.) And then there are the ones who react bizarrely: deaf wannabes, pretenders, and hearing aid fetishists. Usually, they begin to automatically start signing to me and I have to break their hearts by telling them I don’t sign.I realize though that is what it means to be an out activist with bipolar.When I came out as gay, I did lose some relationships with people I loved and had to face a homophobic society, though that is changing to an extent, some internalized aspects of this do manifest in coming out as bipolar.Still, I have to fight the stigma by being open about it. Someone who is a “fixer” will interpret your dating profile and past history as a “Help Wanted” ad. I am a survivor of mental illness and I am a survivor of sexual assault and intimate partner violence, and experienced both at the hands of a boyfriend when I was 19.I have to accept that being honest is scary, but it is still brave. To be honest, being accepted by a potential partner also makes me anxious. While help and support is great and necessary in all relationships, for a fixer it is about “fixing” your partner. I also am wary of fixers because I firmly believe that most of them experience their relationship with disabled partners on dependence. The media saturates news stories with misconceptions of the mentally ill being violent, sick individuals; in reality, people with disabling mental illness(es) are statistically more likely to be subjected to violence, even by partners or caretakers. I can spot a “fixer” now, and quickly deflect any attempts to engage.I have always been out and proud about myself, but I did not foresee that coming out as bipolar in my writing would bring up complicated feelings towards controlling how I tell a potential partner I have bipolar disorder.
So, what is it like being multiply disabled and single? I have worn hearing aids since I was five years old, so I have learned how to navigate the ableist nature of society in regards to hearing and deafness.
If someone were interested in me and were to Google me, they would most likely come across my two articles where I disclose that I am bipolar.
I don’t go into great detail about my history or experiences with it, but it is there and I have no control over them finding it in web search results.
Meeting for coffee or tea is great, hiking is fine, and going to a movie can be fun (although I don’t like whispering during movies with someone because I am hearing impaired; you do the math).
Although I am having fun and have been quite productive in getting my life in order, I have also had to face some great anxiety and fear over disclosing my mental health status.
” question, either mouthed to me or said at different decibels to test my ability. Others are so bold as to ask if they can try my hearing aids on, to see what it would be like to be deaf (I’m not deaf and this doesn’t really make sense).